In which Friday practices for the 13th…

Okay, the universe is just playing with me today — and I’m laughing instead of stressing. Gym day today (I just finished my post-workout snack) and the time I was going to type up day 5’s report was spent waiting for the locksmith to get me back into my car. It gets better! I went to do my rounds of errands and realised 1/2 way through that I grabbed the wrong purse and had $1.78 in change and an ancient fun-size Hershey bar on me.

I just started to laugh. My kids looked at me and I replied that it was laugh or cry, and that I preferred to spend my energy laughing.

Posting formal #DoMagick reports tomorrow.

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#DoMagick – Like Orpheus with hope entangled (Day 4)

It was a journalling day. I spent 30 minutes sitting with some questions to answer about the state of my life right now as it is. It was a bit like the Whole-10 (where you shade in on a chart your contentment level with life areas on a scale of 1 to 10) butwith an honest assessment of where you are instead of just colouring. Not that there is anything wrong with colouring where you are — it’s a bit like topography on a terrain map — but it doesn’t really help to orient me as to where I really am.

Ten life areas (money, health, sex life, etc.) and a timer. Three minutes for each area and I wrote the first things that came into my head without over-analysing the responses. It is a good starting place, and one that will be revisited over the course of the month to see how I am progressing in these areas.

#DoMagick – And I ran… (day 3)

It was a gym night, last night.

I went. Did 30 minutes on the dreadmill — and broke a 15 minute mile for the first time in a few years, was super excited! — and then 30 minutes of strength training.

Nutrition is on track. I’m currently doing the Diet Doctor 2 week low-carb challenge to help jump start the metabolism alongside exercise. I love that they give you a shopping list and recipes for however many people you will be making meals for, because it is a huge time- and orginisational life-saver.

Weigh-in and measurement recheck will occur on Monday, 09 April.

#DoMagick – Hiccup

Reports on the weeknights I go to the gym will be posted the following day b/c I go to the gym in the late evening, shower, get child from work, and then go to bed.

Actually, reports on the work done on non-gym weekdays might be posted the next day, as well…I don’t want to rush and double post. I can catch up on the weekends.

#DoMagick – Into the mouth of the Great White Shark (day 2)

The trouble with having a Garmin tracker and setting it to auto-goal is that each day your step goal increases. This was not a problem whilst I was frolicking with the lambs over Spring Break, but back in the work-a-day world, this is going to present a problem. There is not a lot of walking built into my day, so I am going to have to take measures to incorporate more into my working day. Of course, there’s always taking the dog for a walk in the evenings, but meeting today’s goal was a stretch.

Today is a scheduled inner working day. I finished reading Chapter 1 of Kissing the Limitless. The portion on Doing the Work gave me pause, and may have been the reason I never did any work with this material earlier.

What in you holds an unattainable image of perfection that you run from or flog yourself for not having?

Short answer: everything.

I dug, poked, and prodded — mainly by asking myself follow-up questions — and came down to the root cause. A lot of what I think is unacceptable in me is that for a very long time, I was trying to be live up to a standard that was variable, capricious, and invisible to me. Mainly because it was an ideal held by an external force (my mom) whose ideals never quite meshed with mine. And that makes me feel guilty because she passed away last year and the whole ‘speak no ill of the dead’ notion.

And then, I remembered a dream I had last week. I was at the beach and the ocean was intimidating. The waves were larger than normal and the water was murky, as if things were being churned up from the bottom. A Great White was swimming along the shore and specialist divers were dispatched to ‘take it down’ — which upset me greatly. A second shark appeared after the divers rolled the first one down and away, and my mom walked into the water an put her head into the shark’s mouth. I exited the scene, and had the lingering ‘wtf?’ feeling over the dream.  Until tonight.

I feel like this question is a Great White and my mom was telling me that it is going to be okay to stick my head in and do the work that I need to do.

Can you look for what emotion might be beneath this?

Into the mouth of the Great White I went.

After journalling, I narrowed the emotions behind the drive for perfection to be fear and insecurity. I also wrote down some points that will need addressing and healing work as I continue on this path of self-transformation. The exercise finishes up with choosing an inspiring image to use as a touchstone for the upcoming work. The idea is to use the image when you feel yourself not measuring up; breath, find the story beneath the feeling, and then conjure up your image and move on.

I have my image. I painted it this year, it is the Reindeer Mother.

Oh wondrous headed doe…Amongst her horns she carries the light of the blessed sun…
Hungarian Christmas Folk Song

 

Calories:  2,052 Consumed minus 291 Active equals 1,761 Net.

#DoMagick – Dream Yourself Awake (day 1)

Inauguration day! Fitting that it is also Easter Sunday – a very traditional day for rebirth into the new.  And, if I am not fully risen into a new, transformed me, I have at least taken my first steps onto that path.

Today was a gym day. It is also April Fool’s Day, and the universe is hilarious as today is also -tada!- the first day of my menstrual cycle. Hi-lar-ious.

So, I settled for an hour speed-walking jam on the dreadmill, er treadmill, and clocked in an easy 2.6 miles while getting my heart rate up to a steady 135 bpm. Nutritional goals have also been met, as per MyFitnessPal.

I began reading Part I, Chapter 1 of Kissing the Limitless this morning with my coffee. I came to the first reflection and sat with the question for some time before opening up my journal and writing uninterrupted for 10 minutes. Tomorrow will be devoted to further reading and doing the work in the first exercise and the second reflection.

Start date – 01 April, 2018
Height: 6′ 0″ Weight: 286 lbs
Calories: 2,002 Consumed minus 581 Active equals 1,421 Net

We are the dreams of mortal men~

Tomorrow kicks off the next, active portion of a 30 day #DoMagick challenge. This one, as stated previously, is focusing in on self-alchemy. I have finished up my research portion, and am happy with the plan that I will be working with for April.

It is a two-fold (pronged?) approach that will focus on both body and spirit. The past challenges have helped me to reclaim the ability to meditate in an active and passive manner — skills that I should not let get rusty again. And as spring is rising and calling us to be more active, it has become easier to add a bit more movement to my week. So has the $10/month membership fee Planet Fitness ran as a grand opening special in January — it was one of those “I really can’t afford not to do this” situations.

So, for the physical bit, I’ve done the preliminary weigh-in and measurement recording. Stats! Don’t we all just love stats. And, I showed remarkable self-compassion by not giving into the temptation to sing “Baby Beluga” whilst recording all the numbers. (The ‘no-judgement zone’ philosophy of PF is rubbing off on me.) I’ve also dusted off the Garmin step-tracker, the MyFitnessPal account, and the RunKeeper account. Worry not, however, these posts will not and are not intended to bore you to tears with my micromanagement of nutrition and exercise details. The data collection gremlins can hoard all of that in their megatropolis of data banks and attempt targeting adverts to me that I will promptly ignore. I will however, report that I did exercise on the days scheduled, as well reporting my nutritional goals as met or not.

On the spiritual front, I will be (re)building my foundations using the practices in Thorn Coyle’s Kissing the Limitless. I’ve read the book before, and enjoyed it, without really do much beyond that. This year, I’m feeling an itch to get back more to my witch roots — not that the path of the magician hasn’t helped me at all this past year — and this is the work that is calling to me. I will be starting to work through Part I and will continue onward from there. Needless to say, this will take longer than just April, and that is good. For recording purposes, I will share what exercise I did and possible excerpts from the journal work.

Here’s to a magickal month!

Per audacia ad astra~

March is progressing toward its ending with a bit more rapidity than I’d prefer given that I am still roughing out my participation schedule for April’s doing portion of the #DoMagick challenge.

Challenge Two: Transformation – Self Alchemy, Ascension, Cleansing
Dates: March (Phase 1) & April (Phase 2)
April’s theme is about transformation. Transformation can encompass various aspects such as ascension, self-alchemy, & cleansing. In this challenge, we are focusing on a point in our lives which we would like transformed & alchemized. All techniques and systems are on the table.

Participation in the previous two challenges has been beneficial in helping me identify blocks and patterns of operating that I do not necessarily wish to carry with me into the future.

I am an unhealthy witch. I am currently unable to keep my energy clean and boundaries firmly established so that I can keep myself in dynamic balance. My diet has been crap and exercise has been something undertaken as 1) a side note, 2) an obligation, and/or 3) under duress.  In this state, I cannot dive down and do the deep work that I need to do and return sane. This state is what must change.

My transformation goal is to become healthy: to clean up my diet, exercise and do energy work regularly.

This goal achieving change will be coming from a two-fold strategy. I will be coupling physical exercise (at least 3x per week) with daily breath work to help me make the physical and mental changes I want to see in myself. In addition, I will be focusing on making exercise, grocery shopping, and meal preparation an act of devotion to my transformation to my best self.

Witch got game — and it’s time to bring it.

Redirection

“What new beginnings await in the dark?”

That is a question I recently read (& loved so much that I wrote it in my planner), and which has stayed with me since Halloween.

Once upon a time, I was firmly in the camp of clear boundaries: for example, Samhain was the firm end of the old year (summer) and the start of the new year (winter). Now, I lean more toward this season marking the liminal threshold between the old and the new.

In that vein, I have realised that I am no longer content (or inspired) to keep two blogs here. Therefore, Notes from the Underground will become a private space for me to think and plan. My new public space will be Imps of Ink.

Thank you, and I hope to see you in my new space soon.

~Ashtoreth