20 April – Much better day, overall, even though there were some serious rapids to be navigated in the morning at work. One individual is being ugly and nearly drove a co-worker to resign on the spot, and it was a struggle to stay focused enough to respond instead of react. Later that morning when I saw the individual in question, I was glad to be able to state what I needed to say (about being otherwise occupied [and not able to make them the centre of attention]) and pointing them to someone who was there specifically to help at this field trip.
Who is this flower above me? And what is the work of this god? I would know myself in all my parts.
I hold onto the mantra and breathe now. I know that it is okay to tell people that I can not currently give them my time or energy — I do not owe it to them nor are they entitled to it.
After the day was over, it was a gym day. I felt really good going into my sets, and the whole thing flowed much better than Wednesday night. I’m finding that I am starting to get cranky if I don’t move my body regularly now — and I enjoy the movement, even if it is a small thing like dancing for five minutes. Our society does need to dance more. We’d all be happier.
21 April – Instead of journalling (which I will pick up on some more today), I gave the inner work over to creative meditative exercises. I listened to music and followed the grooves down into how it really made me feel. How did what I felt when listening to the music want to be expressed through drawing, or dance, or written words. If I moved my body, how did I feel afterward? Was the feeling something that I’d want to access again, and where? It was an interesting experience, and one that I will be returning to again over the course of the year.