The trouble with having a Garmin tracker and setting it to auto-goal is that each day your step goal increases. This was not a problem whilst I was frolicking with the lambs over Spring Break, but back in the work-a-day world, this is going to present a problem. There is not a lot of walking built into my day, so I am going to have to take measures to incorporate more into my working day. Of course, there’s always taking the dog for a walk in the evenings, but meeting today’s goal was a stretch.
Today is a scheduled inner working day. I finished reading Chapter 1 of Kissing the Limitless. The portion on Doing the Work gave me pause, and may have been the reason I never did any work with this material earlier.
What in you holds an unattainable image of perfection that you run from or flog yourself for not having?
Short answer: everything.
I dug, poked, and prodded — mainly by asking myself follow-up questions — and came down to the root cause. A lot of what I think is unacceptable in me is that for a very long time, I was trying to be live up to a standard that was variable, capricious, and invisible to me. Mainly because it was an ideal held by an external force (my mom) whose ideals never quite meshed with mine. And that makes me feel guilty because she passed away last year and the whole ‘speak no ill of the dead’ notion.
And then, I remembered a dream I had last week. I was at the beach and the ocean was intimidating. The waves were larger than normal and the water was murky, as if things were being churned up from the bottom. A Great White was swimming along the shore and specialist divers were dispatched to ‘take it down’ — which upset me greatly. A second shark appeared after the divers rolled the first one down and away, and my mom walked into the water an put her head into the shark’s mouth. I exited the scene, and had the lingering ‘wtf?’ feeling over the dream. Until tonight.
I feel like this question is a Great White and my mom was telling me that it is going to be okay to stick my head in and do the work that I need to do.
Can you look for what emotion might be beneath this?
Into the mouth of the Great White I went.
After journalling, I narrowed the emotions behind the drive for perfection to be fear and insecurity. I also wrote down some points that will need addressing and healing work as I continue on this path of self-transformation. The exercise finishes up with choosing an inspiring image to use as a touchstone for the upcoming work. The idea is to use the image when you feel yourself not measuring up; breath, find the story beneath the feeling, and then conjure up your image and move on.
I have my image. I painted it this year, it is the Reindeer Mother.
Oh wondrous headed doe…Amongst her horns she carries the light of the blessed sun…
Hungarian Christmas Folk Song
Calories: 2,052 Consumed minus 291 Active equals 1,761 Net.